Spaztardicus Wrecks

As many of you are WELL aware, we of La Casa de Babs Familius, along with our cousins on the Isle of Long, La Famiglia Boombatz, will bust each others chops mercilessly over the slightest misstep. The merest bungling of a word, or attack on a *seemingly* innocent coat rack, will live on in legend for the ages around the family dinner table. Even events what we have no control over have proved a suitable means to torture one another.

A few weeks back, knowing that Siobhan was soon to burst (read: give birth to yet another lunatic to add to our family tree), I made a prediction.

Well–not quite a prediction. I merely suggested that it would be dead bloody funny were she to pop the midget out on the fifth of May.

Why, you ask??

I shall tell you.

T’were on the fifth of May that our very own Felix was brought into this world twenty-nine years ago. And so the mere suggestion that Mickey and Siobhan’s own maniac might be born on that very same day brought forth gales of laughter. Because the obvious verdict would be guilt and habitual weird love for receipts and keys by conspiratorial birthdate association!!

Also?? A birthday landing on Cinco de Mayo?? Clearly means free Coronas and chips ‘n salsa at every birthday party–which is, of course, wicked sweet.

Mind you, a month or two back whilst on the phone with Mickey this idea hadn’t entered my head. Mostly because Mickey was saying how it would be his father’s ultimate practical joke from the hereafter were said child to be born on the seventh (read: very sadly Uncle Pervo’s first anniversary of selfishly leaving us with no one to foist Depends and Geritol jokes on). And partly because it slipped my mind entirely that Felix’s birthday was on said day. Ahem.

So on Friday (or Saturday. Look, whenever it was, ok?? Christ. I’m not a human calendar, you know) when Mickey rang Ma to tell us that–were the midget still safely ensconced in oven over the weekend–they would be inducing Siobhan on Monday (the fifth, for those of you not paying attention), I started sort of wishing. Not a very big wish, mind. But a wish nonetheless.

Why?? Because I am an evil, evil woman. And this would be the ultimate trump card, busting chops-wise.

{Do forgive me Siobhan, but, really, after the muffler incident and the coat rack fiasco?? I needed ammo badly–I cannot be blamed!!}

Ma: They’ll be inducing Siobhan on the fifth if she doesn’t give birth over the weekend.

Babs:Ha!! Haaaaaaaa!! That’s Felix’s birthday!!

Ma: Oh shit!! I was so excited about the baby’s arrival I forgot it was the same day as Felix’s birthday!!

*Babs rings Felix*

Babs:Yo Felix!! Sooooooooo, um, guess what??

*informs him of impending baby anniversary of existence/same natal day factoid*

Felix: That’s cool!!

{Also, allow me to add, that in the past few weeks, Felix himself was saying it would be neat-o were said child born on said day}

La la la. Waiting for phone calls over the weekend–nuttin.

Then someone very kindly (read: pisses on my parade) reminds me that JUST because she is being encouraged via lovely drugs to give birth on the fifth, does not necessarily mean she will give birth before midnight.

Damn them!!

Damn them for reminding me of that key factor!!

So we worked for Birdie Monday, all the while calling the voice mail back home for any news.

Nuttin. Nuttin. And more nuttin.

FOOK!! It would seem that the midnight curse was going into effect.

Then again, we were only at Birdie’s til six o’clock or so, there’s still daylight left!! I leave and head for the supermarket, Ma heads home.

I come back home, Ma greets me chirpily.

‘Oh!! I talked to Mickey!! She had the baby–both her and the baby are good as gold!!’

‘What did they have??’

‘A little girl, they named her….’

‘Oh that’s brilliant!!’

We go through the details; weight height etc etc.

‘So did you mention to Mickey that today was ALSO Felix’s birthday??’

‘Yea. He didn’t realize that at all’

‘What’d he say about that??’

‘He said, and I quote, ‘Trash and Babs won’t ever let me hear the end of this will they??’ And I told him ‘No. No they won’t’

Because that, my friends, is what family is all about.

Congratulations Mickey and Siobhan!!

Happy Birfday Felix!!

And happy happiest of birfdays to our newest Lunatic Familial, Felixette!!