Praties

I have been slacking here because:

1) In the middle of major bloody heat wave and can barely lift arms to type, let alone think of anything to say.

2) I made the request for a Certain Sibling (who may or may not be Trash) to install the air conditioner. Given the events of last year, can anyone make a guess as to whether or not this request has been fulfilled?? Answers in essay form, please.

3) Am currently awaiting answer from Govn’t Leech Disability Branch (read: the much dreaded social security) as to whether or not I am spazzy enough to be a fucking ‘tard.

(They made me take an intelligence test, you know. I am pleased to inform you that I think I failed the math portion spectacularly. The trivia questions, however, were fucking ridiculous. Who wrote Hamlet?? Who was president during the Civil War?? Who was MLK jr?? The only question I got wrong was who wrote bloody Faust–which is really a trick question, to my way of thinking. I didn’t try to fake stupidity or anything on advice of a friend who is in a similar line of work, and said they are trained to spot Big Phat Trivia Phaking Phibbers)

4) Spent a good portion of last week diapering an elderly cat. You know you’re really a sad bastard when your friends are all flitting around the globe and you’re the go-to woman when it comes to dealing with incontinent felines.

5) At most recent neuro appointment the eminent Dr Pinky and the Brain noticed what I had always thought of as a sort of ‘brain fart’. She is of the opinion that said brain farts are ACTUALLY petit mal (absence) seizures. Bringing my grand total of types of fits up to three. THREE TYPES!! None of which have been sorted properly!!

*laughs in manner of the Count from Sesame street*

6) I have chosen not to believe #5.

7) My *other* recent problems medicular (read: edema, painters gone missing) may or may not be tied to the new fit drug. I suspect this because not only am I a paranoid fucktard, but I looked up the side effects and lo!! Both were listed. Under the ‘Severe–contact doctor immediately’portion. I am not sure if I believe this yet or not. It’s hard to decipher whether all of this stems from ’side effects’ or, rather, being a Fat Bastard with a Retardovary. All I know is that drinking tons of water is not helping the fucking matter.

8 ) Dammit!! I have just staved off a Killer Beetle Attack!! It was crawling on my bed and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Gah!! Gah!! Gah!!

9) Oh yea, that last post?? Totally lost my train of thought and was shite anyway. I shall revisit said subjects, separately, at some time in the future.

10) My friends are now advising that I freeze my bloody eggs. And I do not mean the dozen in my fridge. This means they think I am a lost cause. Which, truthfully, I could have told them years ago. This is mildly depressing, though not unexpected; for the past few months they have been hatching all sorts of hare-brained schemes.

11) For some inexplicable reason I have been singing ‘Goodbye Mrs Durkin’ All. Bloody. Night. I am as good a Plastic Paddy as the next girl is, but this is driving me to the brink of insanity. I need a new earworm. NOW.

12) I have gained eight bloody pounds. Though for the past three weeks I have been, if anything, exercising more, not less. This vexes me mightily.

13) My stereo, the famed Piece of Shit Aiwa What Doesn’t Play CDs Anymore, is annoying me further. Now, when I go to turn the volume down, it goes up. When I turn the volume up, it goes up. I fear for my eardrums. And possible complaints from EFL, given my tendency to turn on said POSAWDPCA at 3 AM.

14) I want to go to Bimini. For a week. This will never happen. Soon-ish, at least.