Got Booze??

I rang Ye Auld Leech Pension Emporium towards the end of August, just to see how the paperwork for my Official Government Retardification Classification (read: you can’t say you’re disabled until you have paperwork proving same) was getting along.

I got a shock–at first.

Babs: Say!! How’s my case coming along??

Leech Worker: Case?? What case?!

Babs: Um….WHAT?????????

Leech Worker:Ho hum. I only had everything to do with your application. I rang your mother, brother, and neighbors to have them define your spazification type and so I could determine if you’re a Big Phat Epileptical Phony. Therefore I have no CLUE what you’re talking about; nor do I know who you are. Ring your local office and ask them if they know who you are. Pip pip cheerio and fuck off!!

Want to talk about a heart attack?? It made St Pats day 2005 look like a CAKEWALK, people.

So I rang the local joint toot-sweet, and–thank heaven, hell, and all the saints you can think of–it was a mere case of my Leech Worker having been done with the files and expediting them along the Leech Chain. They have a Process, you see. They actually MADE the decision back in July–but it has to go through a vetting process of sorts to make sure the RIGHT decision was made. What was this decision??

I don’t fucking know.

Oh, sure, few subtle hints were dropped by the fellow I spoke with, which had me leaning towards the ‘they said yes’ column, at first. He would not say definitively one way or another, however, as he wasn’t allowed. For if the Leech Panel reversed, say, a decision in the affirmative, I’d be all like WTF dood?!?!!1 And they don’t like this. Apparently.

He DID tell me, however, that they’ve a new policy of sorts, that policy being: ‘Like get this sorted and get the final decision out by sixty days after the first decision. Kthxbai.’

Furthermore he told me I should be seeing this decision by September 7th-ish. So I waited and waited. I was DYING for the 7th to get here!! For then I would KNOW!! I couldn’t write, read, talk, do ANYTHING. I was busy watching the mailbox.

Of course a watched mailbox doesn’t boil and I KNOW this, but it didn’t stop me from my nearly OCD-like affair with checking the mail.

And nothing bloody came.

I rang again around the 10th. They STILL hadn’t made a decision. And, as of 12:30 PM EST today (well yesterday, I’m writing this at like 3 AM, dood), they STILL had not made their final fucking decision. Although I did get one MORE bit of information–that being that they requested more information from one of my doctors sometime in August. Is this a good sign?? A bad one??

I’ve no fucking idea, it’s driving me mad, and my brain has been and will be in total frickin’ meltdown mode until I know (hence lack of posting, emails, etc–I owe emails from bloody July for gods sake). At this point I don’t even care if I AM turned down–being in limbo about it SUCKS for the very simple fact that I can’t do anything until I know for sure. That is assuming I could find someone who would hire me yet NOTfire me for say, ringing out spazzy four days in a row, were I to be denied the Leech Pension. And applying for such a position would leave the Leech Pension Emporium people saying ‘WTF dood?? U said you wuz sick!!’

{Of course all my advisors say ‘Nay!! If you are denied re-apply!! get a lawyer!!’ But srsly doodz, how long can I carry on like THIS??}

Also, I want to ’sort of’post about Ma and her continuing adventures Down Souf, but I fear cries of ‘Gawd, Babs, you people are like SUCH tards for dealing with Certain Party AT ALL’. And fear that I will subsequently make my mother look like a complete idiot to most of the free world, as only very, very, few understand why she continues to stay down there (obviously for the sake of her grandkids) and tolerate the shit she tolerates (though, unlike me, she tells Certain Parties to fuck off, and quite often!!).

I will say this, though: Anyone recall Certain Partiesconcerns with *my* family’s eating habits??

{Because, as Certain Party says, I don’t buy food so you people can EAT it!!}

Ma has happily dropped 30 lbs. Because she was drinking too much milk. Then Certain Party wanted to know why the milk was going bad in the fridge. And why isn’t anyone drinking it??

You know, if I could sell this diet plan to Redbook or Ladies Home Journal I’d make a fucking fortune.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My god–I did it. I finally wrote a whole friggin’ post!!