Bubba Blue
October 30, 2008
As of late I’ve been worried about A) my attention span. Because I’ve the attention span of a jackrabbit on crack. Seriously. Know how many posts I’ve started and then….oog!! Look at that thing over there!!
See?? Fucking horrid.
(Oh. I like totally want to post about Certain Party in all their Fucktarded Glory. BUT I AM TOO PARANOID. Else I’d have a post about the goings-on down there for EACH BLOODY DAY. Manson, are you reading this?? Should I be paranoid?? What are the odds here, man?! Answers on a postcard, please)
Where was I??
Ah yes, my other worry.
B) The general fear that I am getting stupider BY THE MINUTE. And I’m not kidding. Things I SHOULD NOT FORGET I’m totally forgetting (and ONE remark about old age and you will get throttled. Am still not over turning 36. Capish?? Ta very much). I was watching TV tonight and couldn’t remember Nathan Lane’s name for ten minutes. TEN MINUTES!! I should KNOW this, people!! He’s like one of my favorite actors. FUCK.
So. I went to Pinky and the Brain’s today to address these concerns, and in doing so, completely forgot to mention—wait. WAIT. Before I get to THAT.
When I’d originally made this appointment I said ‘Och. I will try to trick myself into thinking this appointment is an hour earlier’ Why did I do this?? Because I am NOTORIOUS for possessing the Grand Delusion That I Have All The Time In The World To Get Ready (As evidenced by previous posts). I had my doubts, though. I mean, really–I would totally remember I had an hours leeway to get there. I’d have to be a fucking moron to fall for such a ridiculous plan.
And you know what?? Not so much. I ran like a highly-athletic banshee towards the bus stop. Then the train. I get there and lo!! I’m an hour EARLY. I’m sure that time stood still but for a moment, as the entire population of the planet gasped in awe and wonder at the fact that I, Babs Geller, had gotten someplace on time. Why?? Because I am too fucking stupid to remember that I tricked myself into thinking my appointment was an hour earlier.
{And now I’ve got to re-remember everything I typed after this because FUCKING NOTEPAD CRASHED before I could hit fucking save. Since when does notepad crash?? In the nine years I have owned this ‘puter notepad has NEVER crashed. And now it’s happened for the second time in a week. And the OTHER crash made me lose a whole post entirely because I was on such a roll that I forgot to hit bloody save. I should just give up. Now. IT IS CLEARLY A SIGN FROM GOD}
Er. Thinking. Oh yes!! I was ORIGINALLY going to ask Pinky about the fact that I’ve been breaking out AND hiving out at the drop of a bloody hat. Because, hello!! Remember I am still on the famed Rash of Death medication–though a very minuscule dose now. Because of Hive Paranoia the LAST time I was there. And, come to think of it, shouldn’t Pinky have asked about this?? Fuck!! Maybe my attention span issues are contagious!!
{I was also going to, of course, bring out that age old chestnut ‘Why are the fits not sorted yet?? Sort them out, woman!!}
So. There I was, and I completely forget about the Hive Issue. Because I was too worried that I’m becoming the Ultra-Tard.
Babs:So. Um. You know, for the past five, six, seven, hell maybe eight months??–see I can’t even remember how long this has been going on!! My attention span has been that of a jackrabbit on crack. And I really feel like I’m getting stupider by the nanosecond. I know they say the fits kill brain cells, but could I really be getting this way because of the fits?? I mean I’m forgetting trivia!! And I can’t write anymore–I used to be able to write at the drop of a hat!! Well, that’s the attention span thing, too. I feel like I’m turning into Forrest Gump here.
Pinky and the Brain: It’s not only possible, it’s a known fact. It could definitely be the problem. That’s why we’ve got to get this figured out!!
Babs: Would you like a chock-lit??
October 30, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Am I first? Damn, now I’ve forgotten what my comment was, and I’m not kidding.
*reads post again*
First off, you’re not the only one.
Second off, I tried posting in Notepad once, but it’s such a pain in the ass. Never had it crash on me though.
C. I was totally expecting your therapist to say: “This is a butcher’s shop, madam.”
As in Terry Fuckwit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Fuckwitt
That’s me, that is. This week at any rate. I just burned the brand new kitchen rug. Better go and clean up the mess.
October 30, 2008 at 7:46 pm
My guess is that it’s strictly age-related. Just look at me: I am now 78 and am having a hard time remembering the dirty jokes I used to know. Let me tell ya, this is the kaka.
October 31, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Sometimes Matilda, I have a job remembering names.
Where was I? Oh yes Jane, I always enjoying reading your blog, but some of the postings are so long that I can never remember the begining, or what day you started it!
I always prepare my posts in Word. That way it checks the smelling misstakes and the english granma as you go along, then all you have to do is copy and paste. Simple, eh, Mary?
You mean you have actually got some brain cells left? Can I buy some off you? All the rum and whisky I have drunk over the last …er 60 years have destroyed all mine Freda!
October 31, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Oh yes, Cynthia, I wish you wouldn’t fucking swear so much. It’s not fucking nice to read such fucking drivel from such a fucking nice young lady like you!
November 1, 2008 at 8:59 am
Well I can’t help with the attention span (or lack of) because I’m suffering from the same affliction but as far as the time-keeping thingy goes, the clocks went back here last week – apparently its something to do with saving daylight – of course no-one bothered to tell me did they, which meant that I woke up at 6am last sunday morning which was bad enough except that then (add italics to that word!) F changed some of the clocks in the house but not all which completely confused me because some of the clocks in the house are set thirty minutes later than it should be, so for the past week I’ve been completely at sea as to what time it really is.
November 1, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Mr Farty–burning the kitchen isn’t so bad. As long as you weren’t trying to cook it.
Jeez, Hoss, age related?? At the rate I’m going I’ll forget everything by the time I’m 37.
Well, Percival, it’s a good thing *I* remember names with nary a problem. And I don’t curse a lot–that would be seriously fucking unrefined of me. I’m dainty ‘n stuff!! Fuckin’ A!!
Oh god, Hel, don’t even get me STARTED on the frickin’ time change. The nits here are making us turn the clocks this week instead of last as it normally is. And my puter is still on ‘98 so it doesn’t change itself so I’ve got to remember to do that, along with the other clocks in the house and we ALL know what’s gonna happen NOW.
Gawd.
It’s going to throw me all out of whack.
November 5, 2008 at 9:42 am
With all the head meds I take at the moment, My memory is shot to all hell too. I often forget what I am say……ing half the time.
Keep a notepad with ya and write down the important stuff. not much help if you put the notepad down and forget where you put it but at least when you find it you will have a to-do list that will keep your mind occupied
November 5, 2008 at 1:22 pm
>As of late I’ve been worried about A) my attention span.
i didn’t get any further than this.
was the rest of the post any good?
November 22, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Will you post about the retard and stop being such a faggy-mary already….Since my and Wednesday’s WoW accts have been frozen because my bank acct has been frozen we have nothing better to do than read your retarded drivel anyway…Any chance of helping us reactivate our accts btw?